A college student’s guide to breaking up

Some of my favorite stories of my friends or drunk girls in club toilets usually start with “You won’t believe what we ended up with”. The rest is relatively predictable, especially when the argument for the breakup ends with, “It’s not you. It’s me.”

I hate to know that the life of a person who poured out his heart to me, sometimes a complete stranger, is in ruins. It does put a little smile on my face, though, knowing that decades later, the connection between a bad breakup and the tragedy of one cliché is stronger than ever.

In my experience, many breakups today consist of some form of ghosting, although it’s hard to consider any form of separation a “breakup” if the relationship was never truly defined. Of course, mine situations and I went on dates, but in this day and age, a collection of dinners or going to the bar doesn’t really mean dating. When one or both decided the “relationship” was over, we practiced the fine art of never speaking again and avoiding each other in public.

These slowly disappearing and ghosts evoke feelings of emptiness after a few wasted weeks and promote the idea that no matter how great a relationship was or how far it progressed, the end is usually an unproductive disaster. While there really isn’t a good way to dump someone, there are definitely right ways to break someone’s heart.

Call me old-fashioned, but the idea of ​​letting a relationship end on its own, be it platonic or romantic, seems spineless. It seems that in the 21st century, young people prefer ghost over other methods, even the tried and true, “We can still be friends.”

We live in a society where technology and dating apps make it easier for people communicate. This may create more options for bonding, but ironically all it does is give people more options to avoid the discomfort that comes with a face-to-face breakup. Now, when someone texts to make plans or catch up on last night’s not-so-exciting date, you just ignore the call and put your phone on Do Not Disturb.

While avoiding any form of confrontation seems ideal in theory, hitting ignore does more harm than good. Avoiding the reasons why a relationship might not work means missing out on an opportunity for growth.

One of the most courageous post-breakup conversations I’ve ever seen was when my friend explained in detail why she and her situation ended things. When I asked how she got so much information from her “husband of one month,” she pulled out her phone and showed me a Google form. She used it to ask all of her failed relationships deep questions about why they didn’t work out.

Needless to say, she got some pretty constructive input as to why they decided to end it. While some causes were beyond her control, others were entirely avoidable. With each answer, she was comforted by the knowledge that sometimes general incompatibility ends modern romances. And if it ends up being something she can control, she has an opportunity to work on the process.

If you think about it, except in a true Google form, giving feedback to another person is the best way to break up. If the person you’re dumping may have once deserved your time, they also deserve your honesty as you head for the exit.

Ending a relationship and knowing that you were honest and considerate of the other person’s time allows both parties consider the relationship more thoughtfully. The ambiguous ending forces exes to evaluate what they’re really looking for and learn what may or may not work for them in the future. It helps you understand how people perceive you, which increases self-awareness. In turn, this can lead to an even more respectful potential relationship.

Honest conversations that assess what went wrong make a final “let’s keep in touch” or “I hope we can still be friends” feel more sincere. People can be honest to a fault, or their reasoning can be misinterpreted. But as long as they’re careful and respectful, there’s no reason why a normally difficult discussion can’t be constructive. Then you can hope for a romantic relationship someday remain friendship, avoiding further extinction all together.

Breaking up is never going to be easy, but at least it should make a difference. We should see them as opportunities for personal growth that will help us form healthier relationships in the future. Thus, a win-win situation becomes at least a chance for self-improvement. Through feedback-oriented thinking, we can change the narratives surrounding gaps in the direction of actively thriving in them, rather than simply experiencing them.

Angelina Akuri is an Opinion columnist, studying English and political science. She writes about the influence of pop culture on students and their relationships in her column “Almost Adults”. She can be reached at [email protected].

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