Should teenagers be pushed into activities they don’t really enjoy?

Activities outside of school are great environments for teens to develop comfort and discomfort, says clinical psychologist Catherine Burkett.
photo: Cesar O’Neill / Public domain

Research shows that fifteen is the age when many young people lose interest in extracurricular sports and activities.

Because this experience benefits the brain, a clinical psychologist Catherine Burkett urges parents to encourage their teens to overcome potential boredom and discomfort.

“It’s literally the most important thing for our brain to learn to deal with tolerable stress,” she told RNZ’s. Nine to noon.

“Tolerable stress” is the kind of stress that pushes us out of our comfort zone at the time, says Burkett, but, like a roller coaster ride, brings a rush of brain benefits.

“Your brain says, ‘You scared me,’ and then it gives you a rush of dopamine, which is our buzz hormone. Afterwards, you say, ‘God, I did it,’ even though you may not have actually enjoyed the moment.”

Educational psychologist Katherine Burkett
photo: Delivered

Parents should try to assess whether the activities they want their teen to engage in are acceptable or truly intolerable.

“It’s positive if it’s tolerable, but it’s negative if it’s intolerable stress.”

Burkett encouraged her own daughter, who had excelled in school, to pursue karate after she began to lose interest.

“I was very, very determined to get her to continue because that’s where she was failing. Although this sounds strange, it is one of the most important things we can learn.

“Because she wasn’t doing (failing) in school, I really wanted her to stay, so I kind of coaxed and bribed her and I made sure she went, even though she didn’t like it most of the time… I knew that the result (will be) truly positive.”

Burkett says teens need to know their parents appreciate their continued participation in activities, but the participant also needs to get something out of it.

“I’ve never been into music, and I wanted (my kids) to be into it, so I kind of pushed them, but then I could see that none of them were excited about it.”

During adolescence, when hormones are surging, parents are naturally “pushed to the outer circle” as young people search for themselves as part of a new tribe.

Understanding these dynamics — such as how teenage girls “fall in love with oxytocin” and teenage boys yearn to test their physical strength — increases parents’ ability to encourage their children, she says.

For the developing adolescent brain, almost any activity is betterthan the “immediate and unpredictable activation of dopamine” while using the devicesays Burkett.

After a teen has taken a class or activities they didn’t really like, Burkett suggests checking in later that week, pointing out any positive effects they’ve seen.

“Try to get them to see that the consequences are worth the potentially negative (feelings) at the moment. That’s a really important thing, to show them that (the activity) was fun. They really enjoyed themselves.”

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