All those emails about the presidential campaign sound like your drunk ex

Psychologists, digital health experts and all my smart friends we advise you not to reach for your phone first thing in the morningclaiming that the barrage of notifications and tasks, calls and pings vying for your immediate attention, speeds up the natural process of awakening and turns the tap on full blast dopamine, knocking out your internal rhythm before the drums have a chance to hit.

However, I have more than a year in a row New York Times crossword puzzle app for support, so any doctor worth their Hippocratic Oath would instantly give me a doctor’s note that I’m an exception to this proven science, I’m sure.

Lately, though, I’m starting to think that maybe science is right about the negative effects of checking my inbox before my first (or second, or, let’s be real, third) cup of coffee.

One day last week, my first scroll of the day collected the following subject lines, all received within a few hours while I slept: “The timing is not great at all.” “There is no time to waste.” “Case, can we say something?” “You deserve an explanation, Case…»

This is not from the former mud, but from Kamala Harrispresidential campaign and other groups that directly support it. They want two minutes of my time, they want three to $47, they want to explainthey have some bad news to share A particularly grim last subject line simply read: “Beaten.”

They want a lot, but I want to, I don’t know, rub my neck to recover from the shock of the optimism and can-do attitude I see at Harris rallies, compared to the downright sour sentiment that invades my inbox a dozen times a day. If a person sent me these messages, I would ask them if they were okay, gently remind them that even though we broke up, I still care about them and want the best for them, and that I’m happy guide them to the help they need.

A week before Election Day, I can’t help but look at my morning portion of emailed devastation and think, “This isn’t the happy-go-lucky warrior I fell in love with over the summer.” Remember what it was like to watch the DNC this summer? Remember how… fun it was? My inbox certainly doesn’t.

Look, I’m not new here. I know how important it is to keep a steady stream of donations coming in to keep the campaign bus rolling for another week, and campaign veterans tell me that yes, the loudness and alarming tone of campaign emails is an algorithmically tested and optimized dark art, and that communications teams, which BCCs drive me nuts are usually fenced off from the main campaign communication group. Kamala Harris, who addressed a church congregation in Philadelphia on Sunday and said she sees voters coming together in the fight for freedom, knowing that we all have much more in common than what divides us, “that’s not the Kamala Harris herself. which landed in my inbox the other night along with the absolute killer a subject “Spent. They tied up. Not enough.” It’s attention-grabbing, you should at least do that.

And hey, another team survives on a steady diet of spam, albeit less of your “sad ex-boyfriend who keeps calling” and more like actual spam emails. Donald TrumpThe campaign comes back again and again to those who simply read “Congratulations!” and “Please!” Another notable repetition is just the name of the recipient, three times: “Kase Kase Kase“Yet:”I love you! I love you! I love you!This Nigerian prince would really like you to buy a MAGA cap. Another famous message is called simply “Fork!” The extreme quality of free association in Trump’s campaign emails is more in line with his personal persona (though call me when you see that person say “please”), but the frequency and drama are at least within the standard deviation for both campaigns.

Election Day is a week away, and our inboxes will no doubt heave a sigh of relief knowing that we will soon be choosing between “I just got charged again!” and “Deeply concerned.” finally.