How parents can support teenagers in the college application process

It’s no secret that raising teenagers can be difficult. Your once talkative child can now come home without looking at his phone and disappear behind a closed bedroom door. As parents, we see the physical signs—dirty rooms, late-night video games, and a growing sense of isolation. But it’s harder to see the emotional signs: anxiety, self-doubt, or fear that often simmer beneath the surface. Today’s parents are faced with the challenge of guiding their children through one of the most difficult stages in their lives: entering college.

When teens struggle with the stress of grades, extra classes, and standardized tests, they can seem distant—withdrawing from the very people who want to help the most. But the solution is not to step back completely or, on the other hand, to control every aspect of the process. The key is to stay engaged in a way that fosters trust, openness and mutual support.

In many ways, the competitive nature of college admissions has changed the process into a branding exercisein accordance with New York Timeswhere teenagers feel the pressure to create perfect characters that can fit neatly into the app. This approach is often at odds with the natural turbulence of adolescence, when changes in interests, attitudes, and goals are not only normal but necessary. The problem is that personal branding, such as identifying oneself as a “dedicated athlete” or an “environmentally conscious leader,” can lead teens to adopt limiting images of themselves long before they’re ready.

So how can parents remain a source of genuine support without becoming another source of stress? It begins with the understanding that the strong desire to stand out has changed not only the conditions of admission, but also the relationship between parents and teenagers.

One of the most effective ways to keep in touch is through casual, pressure-free interactions. Parents often assume that their children will open up during a designated family meeting or a focused conversation about college. In fact, teenagers often feel more comfortable talking when they are not directly asked. During a car ride, a walk around the neighborhood, or even cooking dinner together, these moments create opportunities for natural communication. Instead of asking “How did the test go?” try: “What’s been on your mind lately?” By focusing on their feelings rather than their actions, you create a safe space for your child to share without fear of disappointing you.

The pursuit of admissions success can be all-consuming, but it’s important for parents to focus on their child’s well-being, not just their resume. Encourage your teen to pursue interests that really excite them, even if they don’t seem like resume builders. It not only helps teenagers learn about themselves true selves but also reduces the pressure to fit into a predetermined shape. A teenager interested in volunteering at a local animal shelter may find more joy (and more personal growth) there than participating in a leadership program that just “looks good” on a college application.

However, even the best-intentioned support can backfire if it leads to helicopter parenting. Due to over-involvement, teenagers can often feel stifled and pressured to live up to their parents’ expectations. It is important to balance instruction with room for exploration. As he prepares for college, encourage your teen to take on the challenge—writing drafts, asking teachers for recommendations, and researching institutions—and offer support only when needed.

It is not only parents who need to adapt – teenagers also benefit from learning to communicate their needs. Starting regular shared strategy sessions can help teens feel more in control of their own journey. These are not “parental meetings” where they review what has been done, but joint conversations where teenagers share their thoughts, worries, and plans. When they drive the agenda, they feel more involved and less passive participants in their own future.

Another aspect of this journey that doesn’t count is the community around you. Don’t underestimate the power of sharing experiences with other parents. Through local parenting groups, online forums or digital communitiesconnecting with others who are facing similar challenges can provide emotional relief and practical ideas. Sharing strategies for securing internships, finding mental health resources, or even just discussing application schedules can make you feel less alone in the process.

Entering college can be one of the most important moments in your child’s young life. By staying in touch with your teen, you ensure that the journey is as rewarding as the destination.