How I fell in love again after 10 years of relationship avoidance

I’m 26, I’m in love. The last time I was in love, I was 16.

Despite my long love hiatus, I was not without romance; there were affairs of soft affection, a lot of random hookups and a lot of wasters on WhatsApp (no offense guys). Back then I thought I had real feelings, but in reality there was no real love; like skim pudding, this relationship was missing the most important ingredient.

The last time I had a boyfriend, I was a teenager; I wore push-up bras from Primark, drank Strongbow in the park and lived with my parents. Much has changed; now I have a good career, I wear normal bras and I don’t drink cider in the park anymore (I drink beer). The most significant difference is that I like myself. I don’t feel obligated to straighten my hair with ghds to look like Cara Delevingne, and I don’t try to remove stretch marks with TK Maxx products. I am protected from my cellulite, my well-being and my sex appeal.

There is a lot of vulgarity and banality in the world of women’s liberation and empowerment. The term boss-ass-bitch is one of the most nauseating, especially when it is illustrated with hot pink pictures. But I like the attitude about it, and I also like reading Linda in New Orleans in the comments section telling us she “doesn’t need a man.” Go, children – you are right! I don’t need a man either.

But when I was in my 20s, I took it too far. I was determined to be alone and loveless; I planned a life where I would be a power player in my 30s, wearing tailored suits and buying my own yacht with my bitch boss’s money. But, to be honest, not yet need man, I would probably really like it. I was just scared. My first breakup upset me a lot; I cried for two months straight, smoking endless swear words while playing Lauryn Hill MTV Unplugged until my dad yelled down the stairs to “change the damn song!!!”. I wanted to run a mile away from any worries broken heart again I avoided love altogether.

But then, a few months ago, a man appeared, and I didn’t realize how late it was: we crossed the Rubicon of love. It turns out that being in love isn’t so bad. It’s actually quite nice because it’s a completely different love than I felt as a teenager.