A friend’s drunk dials are too hard to handle

Dear Abby
| Jeanne Phillips

Dear Abby! I have been friends with a couple for 30 years. Both are alcoholics. They work, work at farmers markets, are outgoing, own a home, and pay the bills. And yet, at least once, maybe twice a month, they are completely useless, and my wife calls me and tells me indistinctly. I suspect they get drunk even more often, but luckily I don’t get called every time they’re drunk.

also: The partner wants intimacy only with the third participant

I was in a terrible relationship where I drank too much to numb myself. Fortunately, I have been rid of such poisoning for years. But it’s getting harder and harder for me to cope with these drunken phone calls. I suspect I’m the only person my friend calls because she knows few people will understand her slurred babbling. I’m tired of these calls. How to distract them?

— A tired ear in Arizona

Dear Tired Ear: Put an end to these calls by being honest with your friend about the effect they are having on you. Do it while she’s sober. Tell her that you don’t want her to call you after she’s been drinking because her speech is so slurred that you can’t understand what she’s saying. Say that if it happens again, you’ll hang up, and if it does, move on. Let her calls go to voicemail. If you want to have any kind of relationship with this couple, only date them when they are (sufficiently) sober.

Dear Abby! When I was a teenager, my immigrant grandparents brought over from Ireland, the country where they were born, hand-knitted sweaters for everyone in our family. I take care of mine and take care of it, even though I have outgrown it.

Years later, a close friend asked to borrow this sweater for a neighbor’s kid who needed “something Irish” for a school play. Children were asked to bring things related to Ireland. When I refused to borrow my heirloom sweater, my friend told me that she had already promised her neighbor that she could borrow it. She got very angry, accused me of being selfish and did not speak to me for several months.

We live in the same city, so I meet her sometimes. She is friendly but withdrawn and clearly still upset with me. Mind you, I barely know my friend’s neighbor, the one who wanted to borrow my sweater for her baby. But even if I did, I wouldn’t lend this relic to anyone. was i wrong

— Sentimental in Michigan

Dear Sentimental: You were neither selfish nor wrong! Your “friend” has gone too far. She should never have promised anyone the use of property that did not belong to her. And when she now bullies you for refusing to give it to her at the risk of damaging something so precious to you, it’s very unnerving. My advice is to follow her example. Be cordial but detached and don’t let her make you out to be the bad guy for saying no.

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