Asking Eric: After reconnecting with her once-close cousin, she made a few nervous requests

DEAR ERIC: After several years of no contact, I have reconnected with a once close cousin. When she visited my area recently, I met her and her granddaughter “Mia”.

My cousin told me about the financial difficulties this sweet teenager was facing. My friend finances most of Mia’s extracurricular activities and clothes.

About a month later, I got a text from Mia asking me to buy a pair of sneakers for her upcoming soccer camp. Surprised, I contacted my cousin about her request. My cousin “reminded me” that I had offered to help Mia. Well, I didn’t mean financially!

But since she’s a really sweet kid, I offered to help get the sneakers. Unfortunately, Mia wanted incredibly overpriced sneakers that I wouldn’t buy for my own granddaughter. When I brought this up to my cousin, she said, “Well, Mia is very picky and wants what she wants.”

Not too happy with that answer, I asked Mia to pick a pair in a certain price range. She apologized and sent other options within that range. After receiving them, Mia sent numerous thank-you messages and then invited me to join her and my cousin “ashore” on a 10-day vacation they had planned. I did not respond as the invitation did not come from my cousin.

I’m angry and feel like my cousin has cornered me because of Mia asking for help and I haven’t heard from her at all. Should I tell my cousin how I feel or just end the relationship completely?

– Feeling used

THE ROAD FEELS USED: Even though your cousin put Mia in an uncomfortable, even inappropriate, position, the teenager handled your limitations well, expressing gratitude for your generosity and taking the step to continue building a relationship that isn’t transactional.

Indeed, this teenager has done everything your cousin should have done. Now the cousin can teach her this, but the first step should have been your cousin approaching you to clarify the parameters of your proposed help. If you don’t, you and Mia will find yourself in a difficult position.

Let your cousin know how you feel. There is no point in stewing in silence. And consider responding to Mia’s message, even if it’s “thanks, but no thanks.” You two have been getting along well so far despite your cousin dropping the ball.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him Instagram and subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)