“My partner secretly used drugs and filmed me – I still don’t know what he did to me”

It took a year abuser* of Hannah to start showing his true colors – when he started telling her to lose weight and forbade her to cut her hair or dye it in certain shades.

But at the beginning of the relationship, it seemed to her that everything was perfect. Her partner had bombed with love her, told her that she was the woman of his dreams, and called her a wonderful mother.

“He’ll make you feel safe, and you’ll want to be the same,” says Hannah. The Independent. “He said, ‘I look at other women and I wouldn’t change a thing about you, you’re perfect.’

However, as the relationship develops, he became increasingly possessive and controllingisolating her from her family and taking her money.

“If he thought I didn’t have the money or I wasn’t doing what he wanted, he would transfer it,” Hannah says. “He used the same system that loan sharks use where I would borrow £100 and then owe him £200.”

Be a brick, buy a brick and donate here or text BRICK to 70560 to donate £15

This happens as The Independent continues its Brick by Brick campaignin partnership with leading domestic violence charity Refuge to raise funds to build two houses for women fleeing abusive partners. The initial target of £300,000 was recently reached thanks to generous donations from readers, over £500,000 in donations and there are already plans to build a second house.

“He carefully hid my bruises”

Hannah says her abuser physically assaulted her once or twice a week for most of their ten-year relationship – punching and slapping her, throwing things at her, ordering a dog to attack her and even hitting her while she was pregnant.

But he would be careful to make sure the bruises were in places on her body where no one could see them, she says.

His abuse worsened during the quarantine imposed during the pandemic, and it was then that she managed to escape from him.

“I passed COVIDI spent a lot of time with him,” she says. “The abuse got worse. I knew I was dead inside – there was nothing there. One day I just woke up and thought I don’t want to be with you anymore. You need to go.”

But he refused to leave the house, agreeing to leave only after she paid him a substantial sum of money.

Hannah

After Hannah left her abuser, things went from bad to worse as he continued to violate court orders forbidding him to communicate with her.

“He tried to kidnap our daughter”

She recalls the time he bombarded her with dozens of calls and texts after she briefly left her phone at home while going out.

After she returned, he unexpectedly showed up at her home and tried to kidnap their young daughter. He attacked her when she tried to intervene, she adds.

“I had her in my arms and he was just beating the shit out of me,” Hannah recalls.

She says her ex-partner was arrested the same day and was later convicted of assault by battery, simple assault and battery for assault and given probation.

After the relationship ended, he admitted to her that he had secretly filmed the video spiking her drug use while they were still together, she explains.

“I thought he was saying something mean and vindictive, but I never in a million years thought that was true,” she adds.

But Hannah says her ex-partner then showed one of the videos to a social worker involved in her abuser’s arrest in an attempt to show she had mental health issues. The social worker then showed Hannah the footage.

Describing the video, Hannah adds: “I couldn’t speak. When I tried to speak, my eyes would roll back into my head – it was like I was speaking a foreign language.”

Hannah asked a social worker to send the video to the police, but she deleted it, claiming the footage could not be included in the case because it did not involve domestic violence. Hannah says the footage made her feel like her body was no longer her own, calling it “humiliating” and a “violation”.

“Basically, he said he was having sex with me and I don’t know what happened to me,” she adds.

His abuse of her after the divorce has led to him regularly showing up at her house unexpectedly, and she also suspects he is behind the drones she has heard flying near her house when she has not answered his calls .

After escaping from him, she also discovered that he had a tracker installed on her car when she sold the car. According to her, he kept coming to the same places as her, but at the time she just assumed it was a strange coincidence.

Hannah adds: “Despite every order I had to stop him contacting me, he wouldn’t stop. I still live in fear and look over my shoulder every day.”

She may have found the strength to end her relationship, but says domestic violence charities offer women a chance to escape and start a new life when they may have previously felt trapped by their abuser.

“I think Refuge is a lifesaver for survivors of domestic violence. Without them, there would have been more victims, and many of them would have been killed,” she concludes.

Please donate now to the Brick by Brick campaign launched The Independent and a shelter charity to help raise a further £300,000 to build a second safe place for women to escape domestic violence, rebuild their lives and build a new future. Text BRICK to 70560 to donate £15

The National Domestic Violence Helpline offers support for women on 0808 2000 247 or you can visit Shelter website. There is a dedication men’s advice line by phone 0808 8010 327

*Hannah’s name has been changed to protect her identity