You can change the life of a teenager you know in just 3 steps

by Rachel Carman HernandezThe author of the article Saturday, November 02, 2024

I often hear that one of the hardest things about being a Young Life ONE volunteer is that it usually takes a very, very long time for some kids to like you. Take Jenny, for example. I knew Jenny for six whole years before she wanted to warm to me. It seemed like six years of showing up to her volleyball games, class presentations, numerous unsatisfied coffee invitations, and several camping trips before she trusted me enough to give me a compliment one day.

And her story is not uncommon. Because we are a ministry that works with teenagers who have experienced foster care, incarceration, homelessness, or human trafficking at some point in their lives, every member of our team expects to have to constantly show up and to earn the confidence of the children we meet.

That’s why I’m glad she spent those six years. I know this is the time she needed to know I wasn’t going anywhere. I am so deeply grateful—and humbled—that she kept coming back.

Get our latest news for FREE

Sign up to receive a daily/weekly email with top news (plus special offers!) from The Christian Post. Find out first.

But it highlights how important our work is, and how poorly these children are generally served. Research has shown that just one caring, reliable, trustworthy adult in the life of a struggling teenager can make a positive and negative difference in the long run.

You could be such an adult. In fact, it could be any of us—and chances are you know a teen who needs your help, whether you realize it or not.

There are a few things you can do to help. You can start, for example, by creating a safe space.

One of the most important unmet needs that drives teenagers to attend Young Life ONE is the desire to feel safe. Not just to be safe, but feel safe. This is why we have students who, despite having absolutely no interest in communication, return every week for years. They know they are safe with us. They know that they can come here and be themselves, have good food and be among people who genuinely care about them.

So, make this place your home. Have snacks available. Give them a quiet place to rest. Be willing to listen without judgment. Help them feel like they belong, that they don’t have to hide who they are and where they’re from. Help them understand that there is always a place for them to go if they are stuck or afraid.

The second thing you can do is a bit more difficult for most of us. Learn to understand that unmet needs cause what most of us consider “bad” behavior. Instead of labeling behavior—and we often label people like us—we can learn to look for unmet needs and desires. Behavior so often espresso unmet needs and unexpressed feelings.

As a support team for teenagers with multiple unmet needs, we must learn to recognize the root causes of their behavior—and not take it personally when their behavior is directed against us.

Sometimes what students say really hurts my feelings. I have to be able to acknowledge that and accept that without ever holding them responsible for how I feel. If you’re supporting a troubled teen, he needs to know that you’ll continue to show up and love him—no matter what he’s done or how he’s behaved.

Of course, part of being able to keep showing up is knowing how to emotionally self-regulate. This brings me to my third point. Self-awareness and emotional self-regulation are essential components of becoming a safe place for anyone—and learning to interact healthily with anyone who has chronically unmet needs.

So make an effort to meet your own needs. Learn to identify triggers and de-escalate them. Create a team so you can tag other people to help when or if you need to step away. Set boundaries and know how to maintain them without being defensive or aggressive.

Don’t just create a safe space for the children in your life. become one.

I’m not saying it’s easy. It is one of the most difficult jobs any of us can do. But it is also the most important morally and spiritually. This is work that brings us closer to God and to each other. It is also the work that brings us closer to the ministry of Jesus.

After all, Jesus believed in second chances. He believed in “70 times seven” chances.

Be the person to give a teen a second chance—or as many chances as you want. Your presence can literally make the difference between life and death for young adults in your community.