Dear Annie! We’ve been saving for a fun retirement, but jealous brother keeps making snide comments

Dear Annie! My wife and I have been very blessed. We have both been able to find and keep jobs in our chosen fields and have worked for many years without any layoffs, layoffs, serious illnesses, etc. We were well paid with an average income and always lived within our means, saving for retirement. We made some good investments along the way and were able to retire at age 60.

On the other hand, my brother and his wife often changed jobs and lived “keeping up with the Joneses.” They always complained that they didn’t have enough money, but then went out and borrowed money for a new car or a vacation. It was none of our business, but we were worried about them.

Now that they’re retired, they’re finding that living the high life is harder, but the costs continue along with the increase in complaints. My wife got a lot of guilt from them when we recently went to Europe for our anniversary. Then we started getting comments like, “We’d love to do that,” or “That should be good.” And we heard from a mutual friend that my brother often makes comments about our lifestyle. Keep in mind that we still live within our means, but our savings and investments over the years allow us to have fun.

We recently purchased a vacation home in a warmer climate. That’s when all hell broke loose with my brother when he accused us of wanting to show off to our friends or just working to make them look bad. We haven’t argued about it, but it’s getting harder and harder to listen to him talk about it when we really don’t think we need to change our lives to keep him away. My sister-in-law doesn’t talk much, but we heard that she is talking to other family members about it.

On the one hand, I think our finances are none of their business, but then the comments become so frequent that when we talk about traveling or going on vacation, we find ourselves asking each other if we should keep these things a secret from my brother and sister-in-law so that we would not have to endure the disparaging remarks. Not that we brag about what we do, but we think it’s important to let our family members know when we’re going to travel, in case there’s an emergency.

I don’t want to disrupt the family, but I would like to put an end to this. I spoke to my brother about how his comments hurt my feelings and he apologized and then continues his old behavior. At times it got so bad that we considered moving permanently to a holiday home to be away from their comments. Any ideas on how to resolve this situation? — Tired of feeling guilty

Dear Tired: The key to your problem here may be as simple as managing expectations. You already know that your brother and his wife are jealous and abusive when it comes to finances, so you can expect backbiting. But what? This is an expression of his regret, not your fault. In addition, his slander will be easily seen by other family members and mutual friends.

If you want to improve your relationship with him, you might consider inviting him to join you and your wife on one of your wonderful vacations. After all, what’s the point of having money if we can’t use it on our loved ones?

Send your questions to Annie Lane at [email protected].