The holidays can be an anxious time for some children. Here’s how parents can help.

Many children and teenagers look forward to the holidays, but for others it is a difficult time of year filled with anxiety, stress and loneliness.

It’s something Alyssa Simon, chief youth officer at Kids Help Phone, says they monitor when school is out for the winter holidays, noting that “we’re really seeing an increase in young people contacting us”.

Mental health professionals point to several reasons why some children and teens’ emotional well-being may suffer during the holidays: family stresses, pressure to act “happy,” less time with friends, stress over upcoming high school exams in January and the general lack of light at this time of year.

They suggest that parents develop open communication during recess and watch for any significant changes in their children’s behavior.

Figures from Kids Help Phone show 816,650 phone, text and online messages involving children and young people between November 1 and December 31, 2023, compared to 779,734 in July and August of that year.

“A lot of young people can feel very lonely during the holidays,” Simon said.

“If your family isn’t a place where you feel safe or connected, it can be really stressful for some young people and it can also isolate them from those they are connected to, whether it’s their friends or the school community “.

Simon said children and teenagers also experience “financial or family stress or heightened emotions that may arise in (their) family.”

“We all put so much pressure on ourselves during the holidays, especially if we have young people, to try and make it the best holiday ever,” she said.

Dr. Sandra Newton, a clinical and school psychologist based in Durham Region, east of Toronto, said the pressure can be difficult for children and youth, especially if they have mental health conditions such as anxiety or depression.

She said that some pretend to be a “role model” and a “model child” if they think they are expected to be happy.

“One of the best things we can teach children is that we can integrate all aspects of ourselves. There is a place for you, no matter how hard a time you’re going through,” Newton said.

“(It) doesn’t have to look perfect. We appreciate the presence (of children). We appreciate their participation in activities with the family, even if it has to look a little different, even if breaks are needed.”

Children and teens receiving treatment for mental health issues often don’t have access to their therapist, many of whom are separated over the holidays, Newton said.

Families should plan to normalize conversations about their child’s mental health issues before the holidays.

“(Parents can say) ‘Hey, can’t I just visit you a few times?’ … How can I do this without feeling intrusive or annoying? I’m here to help,” Newton offered.

“Kids are so often worried that they’re burdening the caregiver by saying things are difficult,” she said.

“They’re angry at themselves that they have something on their plate that they didn’t ask for. But we can confirm that it is difficult. They do their best and sometimes they need a carer to go the extra mile to increase their support.”

Parents and children can also find other sources of support, she said, whether it’s a family member, a friend or a helpline.

Dr Kevin Geibel, a child and adolescent psychiatrist at North York General Hospital, said regular contact with children was crucial, noting that November was a busy month for visits to pediatric psychiatric facilities.

He said seasonal depression can start in November or December when the days get shorter and darker.

According to Geibel, school also becomes more stressful, especially with exams coming up in the new year.

He said it was important for parents to communicate with their children and teenagers “and really allow them to express their feelings in a safe, understanding and non-judgmental way”.

“It can be tempting to try to solve all the problems right away (but) sometimes even just listening, showing that you understand, can be very powerful and validating,” Gabel said.

If some kids don’t want to talk about what’s bothering them, watch for changes in their behavior, Gabel and Newton said.

Big mood swings, withdrawal, withdrawal from activities they normally enjoy are all potential signs of trouble if they persist for several days, Gabel said.

The death of a loved one can make the holidays a particularly difficult time for children and young people.

“The holiday is a time for gatherings and focusing on the family. And if your family looks different this year, it’s going to be hard,” Newton said.

“Youth may feel they have to deal with this sense of loss themselves, or watch caregivers deal with it.”

Simon said it’s important for parents and carers to share their grief with their children.

“Sometimes we as caregivers try to hide our own sadness because we see it as a burden for the young people in our lives,” she said.

“(They need to know) that it’s okay to feel these feelings. It’s okay to cry and be sad and talk about it,” Simon said.

This report by The Canadian Press was first published on December 10, 2024.

Canadian Press health coverage is supported by a partnership with the Canadian Medical Association. CP is solely responsible for this content.

—

If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, call or send an SMS to 988. Help is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

Kids Help Phone provides free support and resources 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Phone 1-800-668-6868. Children and young people can send SMS to the number 686868, and adults to the number 741741.