How to make a teenager love learning – for real

1. Determine what kind of student your teenager is.

Anderson and Winthrop divide learning, or engagement, into four different types. It No designed for your child: each mode is dynamic and depends on the environment, circumstances and personality. Children can – and do – flow between them.

First Resistance mode: This is the often-proclaimed “problem child” who avoids, derails, or disrupts his own learning. Such behavior usually masks feelings of inadequacy, and such teenagers can easily slip into learned helplessness and need help to get out of their head, ask for help, and connect with peers and teachers.

second, Passenger’s mode is the most common. These teens run around doing the bare minimum, which sometimes results in good grades, but often means they aren’t really engaged in and enjoying their work, putting them at risk of not developing good study habits for the future. For them, school is “boring”: too hard, too easy, too disconnected from their life experiences.

There is a third Achievement regime. These teenagers seem to be on top of the world, but their frame of reference for achievement is completely skewed because they mostly live for good grades. They are obsessed with perfectionism and are not ready for failure, they often lack self-awareness or the ability to take risks. They focus only on the goals that the school sets for them.

The last — and most ideal — mode Conductor regime. This is a condition in which children become resistant to learning. They take an active part and find meaning in what they do. They engage in what Anderson and Winthrop call “transcendent thinking”—in other words, they become self-aware and reflect on the larger meaning of what they learn and experience. In this mode, students have agency in what they learn, and agency is critical to keeping teenagers engaged.

2. Consider the benefits of the technology (not just the dangers).

Despite all the negative effects of technology, this is not the case by its very nature evil; it just depends on how we use it. The challenge is to use the good points while controlling the bad ones. Ask yourself: Is technology helping your child connect, learn, and explore, or is it causing alienation, apathy, and isolation?

Don’t be afraid to set limits like no screens after 9pm (and no exceptions for homework; life is more important than access to Quizlet!), turn off their notifications, or turn on grayscale to make screens less appealing. It’s also important to model healthy technology use for them: if they see you being controlled by your phone, not only will they see you as a hypocrite, but they’ll also feel justified in their social media use.

It can also be surprisingly effective to talk about the dangers of big technology — because let’s face it, we’re all being manipulated by multi-billion dollar corporations that profit from our attention and personal information. In other words, appeal to the innate sense of justice and moral outrage that teenagers live by and tell them to molest the man.

3. The beginning of the era of freedom.

The Age of Achievement refers to the last few decades of the American school system. Children and teenagers are just numbers in educational institutions that categorize them and produce winners and losers. Thus, students are not given an opportunity to explore, but rather a set of hoops to jump through in order to succeed.

It’s time to enter the age of agency: a new era where children are in control of what they learn and their future. They deserve to learn in an environment that allows them to develop their own ideas and choose how to do their work. Who do they really want to be? What kind of life do they want to live? Yes, this requires changing the education system, but it also requires changes from parents. Instead of supporting and praising only results and grades, we should support growth, sustainability and learning for learning’s sake.

4. Help your teens find their spark.

To help your kids find—or rediscover—the spark and love of learning, Anderson and Winthrop recommend an “autonomy-supportive approach.” First, observe what your teen naturally gravitates toward without letting your personal preferences influence them. second, never take interest as punishment; as long as they do not harm themselves or others, everything is permissible.

It’s also key to helping teens develop self-awareness, as is metacognition: asking them questions to help them understand their study habits, mindsets, and how they deal with stress, anxiety, and distraction. Frame the last three problems as things to be managed, not eliminated.

When discussing homework, projects, and tests, just listen. Set aside what you as a parent want for your child and validate their feelings. If necessary, explain why they should do what they should do; Your children will be more motivated when they are given a real reason. Anderson and Winthrop suggest stating a specific rationale to give them more context, such as: “Just as Olympic athletes need a lot of practice to master a sport, our brains need a lot of practice to learn new material.”

Finally, support their interests outside of school as well. Encourage activities that challenge them and encourage them to find and connect with inspiring peers. most importantly be patient. Re-engaging teens may take time, but every step forward—however small—will make a positive difference.

An unengaged teenagerJennie Anderson and Rebecca Winthrop

Sofia Lodato (she/her) is an assistant editor at Oprah Daily. In addition to reading, writing, and health, she loves all things media and can usually be found overanalyzing her latest favorite program, album, or video game.