My 55 year old daughter has terrible taste – is there anything I can do?

DEAR ABBY! My elementary school teacher recently passed away. I haven’t seen her in over 20 years because of the way she made me feel. I remember her as a manipulator and had a negative attitude towards the less fortunate. Since I was not from a rich or famous family, I was subjected to humiliation, fear and intimidation. I remember her as money-minded, judgmental and sympathetic to the privileged, whom she thought were smarter.

Being dyslexic made it difficult for me to read and interpret words, so she made me stand for hours and stare shame in the face. Now that she’s dead, I realize that I never had the opportunity to tell her how wrong she was, and that in high school my negative attitude toward education changed for the better because I had great teachers and great classmates.

The people who praise her now are the same people she promoted and supported. I just wanted to speak out because so many people have been mistreated. — SCARS IN TEXAS

DEAR SCARRED: I think you expressed your feelings very well. Maybe that teacher didn’t realize she had a student with a learning disability and punished you, when instead she should have realized you needed extra help to succeed. Consider her inability to properly handle it its learning disability and try to forgive it. Despite her, you came out very good, and it’s time to get her out of your head.

DEAR ABBY! Is there anything I can do to help my 55-year-old daughter, who has just entered another, surely doomed relationship? She quickly begins cohabiting with these men, usually in less than two months. Then my daughter reinvents herself to please her its ideal. Each time the relationship ended, it cost her dearly and negatively affected her now grown children.

Despite all this, my daughter remained working, although four years is a long time in one position. I fear that the latest move will limit her employment opportunities once the trend toward working from home softens. Is it the same as dealing with a drug addict or alcoholic who has to realize on their own that they need to get help? This rollercoaster got me too. — MOM IS IN THE MEETING

DEAR MOTHER: You can talk until you’re blue in the face—and I’m guessing you’ve tried more than once—to get your middle-aged daughter to understand that what she’s been doing hasn’t worked for her. She is not a “junkie”, but she is desperate to find a partner.

When your daughter finally realizes that she doesn’t need to twist herself into a pretzel to please a man, and that she’s fine just the way she is—a successful mother, self-sufficient and worthy in her own right—she may not only feel better about herself, but she will also be lucky to find a partner.

Abby’s Road was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.