The dad-of-two refuses to help his “struggling” ex financially, and her kids rejoice

A father of two was supported for his decision not to send additional child support to his children’s half-siblings.

Despite the difficult situation for another family, the man has been supported by online commentators and experts alike, with one clinical psychologist saying the repeated cravings for money could be “an indication of a larger scheme”.

A man who did not give his name, but writes to him Reddit under the username Commercial and formal310reached out to r/AmITheA*****e to ask if he was wrong to “not provide any extra support for my children another household (sic).”

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He explained that he has an 11-year-old daughter and an eight-year-old son with his ex-wife, who has since remarried and had three stepsons, and has two more children with her new husband.

With seven children under one roof, his ex and her husband are now “struggling financially” and have repeatedly tried to increase the small amount of child support he pays for his own children because he earns a higher salary than his ex.

His ex asked him directly and went to court five times, each time reminding that “the child support is for the support of our children, not for her family as a whole.”

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Psychologist Dr. Maya Weir, founder of Thriving California, said Newsweek there were questions about why the ex feels like “he owes her more money”, wondering “if they still have some addictions or connections that need to be worked out”.

“I’m wondering if money is a way of keeping in touch with her ex, and that she might need some real breakup support so she can let go of that expectation,” she suggested, and suggested that both exes go to therapy, to “really work on separating them.”

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The man said that when he was directly asked for $50 “here and there” or to buy things for her other children, he repeatedly refused. But things came to a head recently when his daughter and one of her half-siblings celebrated their birthdays around the same time.

His daughter got presents and a party at his house, but his stepson didn’t have a party because they couldn’t afford one. His ex asked if his stepsons could attend his daughter’s party at his house, but his daughter didn’t want them there, so he said no again.

Child psychologist and parenting expert Caitlin Slavens said Newsweek this case had “layers of emotion and responsibility to consider” and is beyond the pale legal obligations.

“When children feel that their siblings or step-siblings are being treated unfairly or are suffering because of a lack of resources, they may internalize this, potentially leading to feelings of guilt, resentment or confusion about their family relationships,” she said. encouraging him to show “sympathy” for his children’s blended family.

Regarding his daughter not wanting her other siblings at her party, she advised “having an open conversation with his daughter about her blended family, explaining that sometimes kindness goes beyond the immediate family.

“He can also consider small, thoughtful gestures that will make his children’s other home more welcoming without making it a recurring commitment or directly supporting other children.”

The man went on to write that now that he has paid for his children’s school meals, his half-siblings’ accounts are in the negative. “Since I completed our children she wanted me to do it for her children and again I said no,” he wrote.

He took to Reddit to ask if he was wrong after his ex-wife “called me a monster and asked me how I could live with myself knowing that my children’s other family was struggling and literally drowning in financial hardship and I can help but choose not to.”

Attorney Michelle Locke, who has experience in family law, said Newsweek: “He is not wrong. Alimony is intended to support children who were born of that marriage, not children who are not born of that marriage. No one said anything was fair, including love and divorce.”

She added: “He has an obligation to his children, whom he raised with his ex-wife, and that’s where his obligations end. Although it is unfortunate that a mother is struggling financially with a new family, the reality is that this is not the case.” daddy’s problem.”

Reddit users have also had a strong response, with his post receiving nearly 6,000 likes and hundreds of comments since it was published on October 30.

One user wrote: “As much as I’m all for helping any child, you have the right not to feel obligated to take care of someone else’s child. Not only that, she is sure that she is acting skillfully in relation to the situation.”

“What in the world does your ex think you have to support someone’s kids?” asked another, adding: “They should have gotten their finances in order before expanding their family. Children are not cheap.”

And another thanked him for “listening to your daughter when she was choosing who to have at the party. She seems to find it a relief to have a break from her half-siblings, which is the case with many children.’

Newsweek reached out to Commercial-Formal310 on Reddit for comment on this story. We have not been able to independently verify the details of this case.

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