6 Reasons Why Friends Ghost You During Divorce

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A consistent complaint I hear from mine divorce customers is that their friends, sisters, neighbors and others have stopped calling them back or picking up the phone when they call. It can be incredibly painful, and it makes an already painful situation even more painful. And this, unfortunately, is not so rare.

If halos happens to you, this post can help you understand why your loved ones may be distancing themselves and what you can do about it.

There are several reasons why friends drift away when you rely on them to support your divorce. The news of your divorce can plunge people into a state of self-centeredness fear. This reaction may be caused by one or more of the following problems.

Why people stop calling or picking up the phone

Fear of “catching” a divorce: Friends and family who are married may worry that your divorce might somehow affect their own marriagecausing them to distance themselves to protect their marriage or relationship. This is most common when their marriage is difficult, but it can happen even if they have a healthy marriage. People break up marriages for different reasons, and they break them up in different ways. The more unexpected your divorce, the more your acquaintances may fear that the same may happen to them.
Inconvenience and discomfort: Some friends may simply not have experience with divorce or know how to handle the situation. This is especially true when the divorcing couple is still living together, but it can also apply to those who are living apart. The discomfort probably comes from not understanding the divorce, not wanting to get caught in the middle, not knowing what to say or do to help, and or fear of saying or doing the wrong thing.
jealousy: Friends or relatives may be in an unhappy marriage themselves. As a result, they may be jealous of your decision to leave an unhealthy situation because they can’t. This jealousy can manifest as judgment or withdrawal. One woman said that her mother refused to let her go because she (her mother) did not have such an opportunity in her youth. Her mom said in a roundabout way that she was jealous that her daughter could live the life she wanted when she couldn’t.
shame: Clients have told me of situations where they sought comfort or advice from a loved one to make them feel ashamed that they were getting divorced (even if they didn’t choose the divorce). Shame may feel similar to jealousy, but shame is much deeper. Jealousy: You do something bad Shame: You there are badly. The actions and attitudes of shamers can be exhausting. The shame these people spew at you is the shame they bring upon themselves. Often because of this, they don’t feel like they can leave an unhappy situation or make a real life choice. Regardless of the price, they feel they have to answer according to the demands of their strict religion, race or family culture. Their lectures, insults and digs are not about you. Shame belongs to the one who imposes it on you and others.
Disappointment: Friends may be disappointed by the fact that a marriage they may have thought was healthy and stable may end. This realization can lead them to reflect on their own relationships, which can lead to discomfort. One woman told me that several people thought she and her husband were the “perfect couple” and told her, “If you guys are breaking up, how can anyone else stay together?”

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The desire to maintain a relationship with an ex: When a marriage breaks up, the couple’s friendship can fall apart. Often, perhaps for some of the reasons above, these couples fear that you can no longer communicate with them because you are now single and they are still married, they may see you as a threat to their relationship, or friends don’t want to interfere . They stop calling and inviting you. Your children may even stop receiving invitations to birthday parties.
Friends who want to stay in touch with your ex instead of you are in an awkward position. Instead of talking to you about it, they feel they have to distance themselves from you. You will be very hurt if or when you find out. It’s understandable that you feel betrayed, but they’re not really doing anything wrong, especially if they’re trying not to hurt you. These people may want to block you so they don’t have to feel guilt or explain yourself. Be apart and avoidance may seem like too much of a loss. I encourage you to get support from people who understand—people who are or have been where you are now. They can help you by showing empathy and letting you know how they got on the other side of the challenge.

Source: Unsplash/Valiant Made

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