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at what point can I report my inappropriate and hot-tempered colleague? — Ask the manager

at what point can I report my inappropriate and hot-tempered colleague? — Ask the manager

The reader writes:

I have a problem with a co-worker who really annoys me and frankly I’m embarrassed to have a professional relationship with him

I reported her more egregious actions to our manager and, after my second complaint, began documenting the behavior, but I don’t know what is criminal and what is petty and interpersonal. It’s also hard for me to be sure of my judgment on this one because everyone but me really likes her and she’s currently being sought for a full-time position at the company in another department. I don’t know if they know how she is, but I’m guessing they do. She is not shy. I’m going to name her Kevin after the famous celebrity Kevin.

My co-worker has a habit of saying things that are inappropriate, inflammatory, or politically charged because she thinks it’s funny. It’s constant. So far I have filed two complaints with our manager about her behavior because they seemed to be exploitative. The first complaint was when she bragged about using a random website to find part of my social security number. We have access to a system that contains thousands of people’s social security numbers, including my own, so I felt like this was something I should tell my boss. The second complaint was when Kevina came into the office and told us all the reasons she thought businesses should be able to refuse service to gay people, loudly, standing five feet away from the customer.

After each complaint, my boss admitted that she knew Kevin was saying inappropriate things and that she would “talk to her.”

Three days after the second report, Kevin starts her shift quietly until she jokes about 9/11 and moves a stapler in the air while making airplane noises with her mouth, and tries to get the others to put water bottles to be her twin towers (they refuse). Thirty minutes later, she begins telling us in detail how to turn an uncapped water bottle into a projectile in response to hearing that an event hosted by our employer will be capless to prevent bottles from being used as projectiles. According to my boss, it was after the second conversation. I’ll give other examples of what she said at the end for clarity, but it’s just a lot.

I’m leaving in two months anyway so I’m not interested in making this situation better for myself, I’m only interested in filing a complaint with HR because it’s absurd that she’s gotten away with it for so long and my manager needs some validation to allow this. This is just my opinion and I’m a bit doubtful here. What kinds of things do you think should be documented for HR that aren’t outright illegal and are just interpersonal? Also, my complaints should be watertight because she is autistic and my company has a history of dismissing complaints against people with disabilities, including a sexual harassment complaint against her, she said.

And here are some additional examples for context and catharsis: in the past she has told the whole office, including our boss, that she drives drunk and how dangerous it is for her, her addiction to gambling and losing, her desire to open a gun . store that offers free alcohol with the purchase of a gun, we should “build a wall” between our department and others and attribute the complaints to “Biden’s America”, asks veterans in a nearby office if certain guns can actually kill people (she has since received a firearm a weapon she keeps secret from her roommates) and went around the office asking for a razor blade so she could cut and sniff the pack Smarties. And then he did. Off the desk in the front office with customers. She Slacked someone about three levels up from us and asked if she could have a non-alcoholic beer on the clock, said several times that our theme for the office decor contest should be the January 6 Uprising, spent about three weeks asking every male courier , who would come to the office if they were single and wanted to meet a single mom (unless someone tells her to stop, is that sexual harassment?), tried to get support colleagues for “a free Diddy out” and told a colleague who had just told a light-hearted story about how her teenage son had done something stupid that she should “follow the American tradition of beating him with a belt and hanging him upside down in the dryer.” She also started saying “Omm Shaman God” in a strange voice as a sort of prayer? I honestly don’t know why this started, it might just be annoying. I’ve missed a lot that are probably just annoying and a few similar to what I’ve listed since it’s been the same for months. Thanks again for any semblance of sanity you can provide.

My God

It’s all extremely funny and offensive, but the “free Diddy” exit at least made me laugh (although there’s nothing funny about Diddy), as did the snoring cut-up smartass.

In any case, it’s certainly true that when you have a co-worker who’s so inappropriate, you can start to question what works and what annoys you, but there’s a lot here that a responsible company will act on: social security numbers insurance (!), instructions for making dangerous projectiles (!), overt political posturing, talking about guns, sniffing substances while meeting with clients, gay bigotry and sexual harassment, for starters.

It’s good that your manager recognized the problem and agreed to talk to Kevin…but it doesn’t seem like those conversations had any impact, and it’s concerning that your boss didn’t do anything about it. Your boss does know did the problem remain after that? If there’s a chance she won’t, it’s worth going back to her to let her know. But otherwise, she doesn’t give your team much reason to believe she can manage Kevin effectively, so I understand why you’re considering HR.

I’m not sure your HR team will be any better if they’ve already dismissed a sexual harassment complaint just because Kevin is autistic, but it’s worth a shot—especially since you’re going to leave and you don’t need to be particularly invested . And sometimes even if HR rejects one complaint, it will be harder for them to reject a pattern of complaints.

Some general principles to help you figure this out: it’s smart to file complaints related to religious or political proselytizing; everything that physically threatens people; anything that violates people’s privacy or company policy (such as social security numbers); any advocacy of violence; or any harassment based on gender, religion, race, sexual orientation or other protected characteristics. Take all of this to HR and be sure to use words like “harassment,” “physical danger to employees,” and “invasion of privacy” where applicable. Don’t expect them to connect the dots and understand why each incident is a cause of action in itself; frame it using words that should set off alarm bells for them.

If something doesn’t fall into these categories, it’s likely just a personal annoyance without requiring a formal complaint. (While things outside of these categories may not warrant HR, they may still require your manager’s intervention simply because of the disruption they create.)

Also, let your coworkers know that you’re talking to HR and let them know what’s going on. They may be more inclined to report problems themselves if they know you’ve paved the way and their reports confirm that there is a pattern. (Or they might feel less inclined if they know your company doesn’t want to act, but it’s still useful information for them.)